Last weekend was good. I wanted Mexican food Saturday night as a new chain recently opened in the area. My children, who had already eaten there, were happy to inform me it was as ‘close to California Mexican food as they had tasted’  since we were drug to the snowy east in 1996. *Drifting thought….. somewhere is So. Cal. right now, it is well over 70 degreees and we are still, as my Brit/N. Ire. husband would say, freezing our arses off here*

Anyway, it was good. My wee little N. Irish husband who is short and though a bit stocky, is definatley not ‘fat’ ate the hugest meal they offered. I ordered the Laredo which was a taco and two enchiladas. The kids ordered something very similar.  Life is not fair. He ate all his and some of mine and….. well, life if not fair. Then his overseas family, while they are lovely to me and love me very much,  view me as someone who certainly must do nothing but ‘eat’. If they new the truth was Paul eats 3 times what I do. If they only really knew.  As I said, life is not fair.

The dinner was WONDERFUL, perfect. Sunday we had Subway for dinner because while I could and was encouraged to eat the day before surgery, I was told to eat on the lite side. BTW, I had a 6 inch Paul had a 12 inch. That has been my story for years.

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Monday morning 3:30 AM and alarm goes off (we live 45 mins to an hour from the hospital). We have to be there betweeen 5 15 am and 5 30 am. There was a small snafoo with the insurance which worked out. Paul got on the phone as soon as I was in surgey and all was sorted.

I am anything but a morning person, but I was promptly up, showered very well and ready to go. This hospital is massive. It is the second largest hospital in VA behind UVA.  It is nearly as big as the Royal Queens (or whatever it is called…. I always forget) hospital in Belfast which is th largest hospital in Europe. However, we knew right where to go. After a brief wait we were called to the first area. For the first time of at least 4 or 5 times I would be asked what procedure I was having done. “LAPROSCOPIC GASTRIC BYPASS” I said surely with a bit smile. The worst part; My monthly, ‘Aunt Flo’ was at the end of her once a month visit . I won’t go into the embarassment caused by that. HOWEVER, I would be told over the course of the next three days it happens so often.

Well, at least I know I am not the only one subjected to the ultimate human embarassment.

After kissing my husband goodbye I was wheeled to pre surgery. Paul looked worried. I think he thought he was somehow hiding it from me, but I could see it. You see, the thing is, I wasn’t. I just wanted to get the show on the road.

The nurses were sweet. I asked two seperate nurses at seperate times if I was the biggest person to ever have gastric bypass and got identical answers “OH, LORD NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”  Probably one of the ‘smallest’ actually. I am one of the lucky ones. Squeezed in by ridiculous and unrealistic weight charts. That was the one time I was thankful the weight charts that obviously need some updated are ridiculous to imagine for the average person. LOLOLOL!!!!!!! The same weight chart states Paul should weigh 140 lbs. Ok, in which ulterior universe?  He weighs  WAY more than 140 lbs. but is still ‘small’. Hey, wait a minute! I am 1/2 Irish (decent; county Cork).  Why don’t I have a metabolism like that?  Do Italians have slow metabs.?  I know that other 1/4 of me…. the Dutch don’t. Oy vey……. 

I was then wheeled into my OR. Ok, that is when I started getting a bit nervous. I had already talked to the Doctor that would be holding my life in his hands….. the sleep juice doc. Same conversation; I do well under anesthia, I am scared to death of the mask (childhood experience with my tonsils) can I hold mask?  Yes…..

We were fine with Dr. Sleep juice.

I had two interns scrub in. It is a teaching hospital. I asked if Dr. McDreamy was around and while everyone laughed, I would be disappointed.

Yep, just like Grey’s anatomy TWO LUCKY INTERNS GOT TO SCRUB IN .  Dang, one looked like a young Keanu Reeves.  Ok, so the fat lady on the period who is baring all is going to be seen in ‘all her glory’ by Dr. McKeanu.

I got in the OR and was introduced to another Kelli (Kelly) who not only lives a few houses up from me on the same road, but is also named Kelli (Kelly) and has lost 150 lbs after gastric bypass surgery; hey, exactly what I want to lose!

I was asked one last time (I think this was the 4th time) what I was having done. Hmmmmmmm….. I wonder what they would have done if I had said “An appendectomy”     No, bad thought….. “Laproscopic Gastric Bypass”.

Dr. Sleepjuice gave me happy juice. I started rambling about how I had wanted to be a nurse, but fibromyalgia drop-kicked that dream out of my life. Then I rambled about being a banker and how I like my job as a data processor for a bank….and how the world needs bankers too.

Dr. Sleepjuice said hold the mask closer and that my IV might start burning. I knew I was going to be asleep in seconds and I was……………………………………………………………………………..

In keeping with my tradition, I woke up in the OR. Anesthia if funny. It is just like you see on TV or the movies. It is dark (eyes closed) and you hear voices first but they somehow know you are waking up because they start talking to you. I had a oxygen mask. But after they told me they were “all done” and I did “really really well” and they had “Talked to my husband a couple times from OR to update him, and then to let him know they were closing and Dr Lucktong would be there soon to speak to him, the first then I asked (Because open incision is a possibility), Was I able to have lapro?  Yes….

I was wisked to recovery and a nose oxy thing replaced my mask. In keeping with my recovery tradition the nurse said, “We are not going to have you here long, you are nice and awake”. It wasn’t 10 mins before I was taken to my room and my husband was soon there.

“I have a new tummy!”  I said.

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I hate staying in the hospital. My one bright spot was getting flowers from work, and my children coming to see me. My husband picked then up Tues after he got off work. The only thing; it was snowing. Now my husband is a excellent snow driver. Besides being from Ireland, he has spent a lot of time in Sweden working.
Nontheless, my oldest (of the youngest two) wanted to leave no sooner than she got there because she hates driving in the snow. That means I not only did not see my kids for long, but only had less than an hour with my hubby      After being alone all day that sucked.

I would not hear of him driving back to me in the snow, however.

In the hospital, as soon as they had done whatever they have done to me the first thing I want to do is GET OUT. And in keeping with that tradition, I was out Wed. Afternoon just over 48 hours post op. A day sooner than most. However, I was doing ‘VERY well’ and was a model patient.

I have been recovering at home. My couch has so many pillows and blankets it looks like a nest.

Biggest suprise?  I was much more sore in my belly than I anticipated.

I am able to keep down everything so far including some grits 

But I am not hungry most of the time. I am having  alot of gurgling in my tummy and these weird episodes of going flushed in the face.

Nice thing tho, as of yesterday, I had already dropped 8 1/2 lbs!

I am just at the beginning, but that is my experience of my first week. Oh, there is more, but I don’t want to ramble…….Besides. I have been sitting in this chair too long!