My First Real Battle; And I Will Win

I am not quite sure when it happened. I think it was the marathon birthdays (Taylor’s, mine and Sarah’s) and the fact I can’t tear myself away from the vending machine at work when they load it with Cinnamon Toast Crunch bites, but somewhere over the last several weeks I have gained nearly 10 lbs! I am mad, sad, depressed, scared and devastated. The thing is, I don’t know where it has gone as I can’t really tell much of a difference.

Paul has a theory. I have become a walking machine. Yep, finally 2+ years out I decided I wold faithfull exercise so I have started walking everday on my 10 min and lunch break. So I getting  50 mins of exercise a day in. Paul thinks maybe it is muscle? I don’t know. All I know is old habits are creeping back in. I see it. And it stops NOW. I will not allow it. Simple. I have turned it over to God and I know He will keep me on the straight and narrow. The good news is, it is ‘only’ 10 lbs. And yes, even though I had exceeded my goal by 30 lbs and had numerous family members saying I lost ‘too much’, it felt so good so it is CRUNCH time, especially with the holiday’s around the corner. I am going to keep up with my walking because I love it and love the way it is making me feel; even if it is building muscle. However, I am going to make some small changes in my food intake and I think that will help me get this little bit back off.

After my appointment with my endocrinologist (think of it as this: remember your hardest class in high school? Rembember that final exam in the hardest class with the hardest teacher?) Not that the teacher wasn’t nice. Actually my thyroid doc is what I would call a hyper ‘old hippie’.  But for years it was “your weight this, and your weight that”. Now since the RNY it is different. He tests me for everything and now my cholesteral is good, my BP is too low really, my heart rate resting is usually in the 50’s (no, I am NOT kidding), and my insulin resistance gave way to an A-1c of 4.1. He is pleased as punch. When I went yesterday, I weighed exactly what I did last time I saw him. I did not mention the losing of 10 more lbs, etc. He was pleased; said my weight is great and that is that  You would think I would ‘get it’; that my weight is ‘ok’. Alas, I still think I am fat. And Paul really does think it is the walking because since my BMI is 21. whatever, he said it like this, “You don’t have much, if any fat to lose. You have loose skin (all gastric bypass patients do), but I can tell since you have been walking that you are actually firming up and gaining muscle tone.” So, maybe there is something there? My jeans from last year are not the least bit tight. In fact if anything they are a bit too loose and may need a tuck by my seanstress.  In any event, I am still going to try to get this 10 lbs off even though my husband, my daughter Taylor and yes, even my ‘hardest’ doctor says I am fine where I am.

Like I said, it is nothing anyone has noticed. However, to me I hate it. So, I WILL WIN.

Here are some of Paul’s latest pics of me

Kelli in black and white dress with heals
Kelli in black and white dress with heals