For the last several weeks I have had 10 lbs to lose.  I am not quite sure how I put it on. I think it was my iodine. First, I bought my last order (before the one I just received) from another company who carefully worded it to make it look like you got two bottles of iodine for the price of one. I am near certain I got ‘bad’ iodine. The iodine was helping my thyroid do what it needed to do to function normally therefore allowing my metabolism to function as it should. Because of finances, it was a month before I could order my iodine and I even knew then I would be going back to the original company. So weak iodine + gap in taking iodine = metabolism slipping back into “Hashi’s mode/ slow” to say the least. This is my theory but it may have been something else altogether. Now this does not mean I want to get back to my lowest. After seeing pics of me at my lowest and them again after I put some weight back on, I now know why people were so concerned. I looked downright HORRIBLE! UNWELL! It was frightening to see pictures of me in the the 120’s. I will not be getting in that weight range again! I looked old and feeble. However, I am at a spot where I feel just 10 lbs….. just 10…….

This is proof that when you have weight loss surgery, the ‘fight’ is never over. You make the lifestyle changes but if you start drifting even a bit, things can turn on a dime. I have red light foods….. kids cereal, Lotus biscuits, blow pops and many other things I either try to keep in rational amounts or none at all. I try to keep healthy foods in reach; fresh fruits, veggies, whole grain crackers, cheese, etc. Lately I have really been off kilter; in a funk; out of sorts. My fibro is flaring enough to light up Manhattan. It is difficult not to be sad when you hurt all the time. Whether that has anything to do with this weight stall, ten pounds too high, I don’t know.  I do know I have to find my way back and I think the best thing to do is to get back to basics. I need to do the things and think the way I did in the early days. Easier said than done. I tend to lose my appetite when I am stressed but eat more when I am depressed, so this has been challenging to say the least!

So I wish I had words of wisdom this time around. Something magical to say. However, I am struggling myself with this 10 lbs. I know it is not just bad iodine. Old habits creep in so easily. I get Lotus biscuits to have with nightly tea and instead of having 4, many times I have 8 or… well, you know. :-(  I went through a similar issue a few years ago and lost the 10 lbs. I will do it again. But it won’t be the ‘magic surgery’. If the surgery was so magic, Carnie Wilson (bless her heart), would not have gotten lap band over her RNY.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/judith-s-beck-phd/carnie-wilson_b_1415049.html

When I had my surgery, I had months of preparation. I had support groups, dietician meetings, psych meetings, etc. My bariatric surgeon made sure I was completely ready for this big  journey I was about to undertake.  I am considered a success story in the big scheme of things, yet down in the dumps and disappointed in myself because of this 10 lbs. I am taking this very seriously.

This is for life. I am NOT going back to where I was. It is not happening. I will find my way. So those who are having the surgery, have just had it or are vets like me; yep, even the ‘success stories’ have their off moments. I will win though, oh, I will win!