I was born & raised in sunny southern California and drug to rainy Virginia by my 1st hubby (Cry). No, really, it isn't *too* bad here. I am happily married (2nd marriage) to a man from N. Ireland. I have 4 kids. I am currently applying for permanent disability due to the progressive course my fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome has taken. I am not ashamed of this. I worked as long as I could and did my best. It is all any of us can do! I love music. I salivate over most kinds of rock (except death metal and rap). I adore everything (James Hetfield, you sexy beast!); Colplay is my favorite band after 'taking the roll' with me, Metallica, 'hippie music' (Grateful Dead, Mamas & Pappas, The Doors, Jimi Hendrix, etc) to Godsmack, Shinedown (met the band and they are amazing human beings as well as talented musicians), James Blunt, Evanescense, AFI, Linkin Park, Snow Patrol, My Chemical Romance, The Beatles, The Stones, Metallica, Pearl Jam, Etc etc etc.
My life is God, My family including my husband whom if from Belfast, Northern Ireland, UK, my 4 daughters whom I love like my next breathe and my beautiful granddaughter. She is the most amazing little human being in the world and I don't think the word 'love' is big enough. I have an amazing Uncle who is like a 2nd Dad to me. I lost my wonderful father in 2007 and still think of him everyday. (Update) I also lost my Mom on 9-12-11 and it was again, like my Dad, one of the hardest things life has thrown at me. I dedicate my weight loss to my Dad and hope that wherever he is, he can see me now! This is the real me! I was trapped in the body of a woman with a dying thyroid. Dr Tananchai Lucktong, thank you for giving me the tool, as you said! You said you gave the tool, I did the work. When I see other RNY patients who still have the weight on or gain it back, I know! I know it is me who does the work! It is a choice everyday of what I put in my mouth! Surgery or not, I cracked the code and if you want my help, let me know because life is so sweet when you are 'light as a feather'. My hubby, 4 inches shorter than me, can actually pick me up with minimul effort! Now that is worth something!
Little did I know that when I went hunting for something, I would stumble on the news that this blog had been awarded one of the top 10 Hashimoto Blogs for 2010!!!!! I was thrilled, excited, felt like, “Hey, I *can* write and tell a story.
So I will dedicate a post to this disease and why I bring it up at all.
Hashimoto’s Disease affects the thyroid gland. It is generally hereditary. My Grandma Minnie Mae Coleman had the opposite, Graves Disease (Dr. Koch said it doesn’t matter, thyroid is thyroid and Grandma’s turned overactive and mine turned under-active). Of course since your thyroid gland is your ‘thermostat’, if it is under-active many things can happen, including weight gain and such problems.
I think it was paramount with my weight issues.
For a long time the blood tests showed normal and it was not until 2004 when I have a “Thyroid Uptake” test at Lewis Gale’s Nuclear Medicine Dept. did they see my thyroid gland was functioning severely slow.
They started me on synthroid, 25 mcg. and a few years later, at my pleading up’d it to 50 mcg but the goiter only reduced a bit.
I am changing Dr’s and going to start on Kelp tablets (iodine) to try and be pro-active on my end as my fatigue has just gotten out of hand.
In any event, at this point, I talk a lot about Hashi’s because it affects a lot of things in my body. But one thing is for sure, I am not sure those T3 and T4 blood test are good indicators. It took nuclear imaging to find my Hashi’s. Months later my blood came up low, finally…. but still. I recommend anyone…. especially those with thyroid disease in their family ….. to be a warrior about this!
For now, I am just to honored to be recognized for something I feel so passionate about.
One other thing I want to add. I had thyroid disease for years before it was diagnosed. Thyroid disease can affect everything from weight to behavior. So many Dr’s want to label a 30 something woman as being ‘depressed’ or ‘anxious’ when in reality it is her thyroid that is screaming bloddy murder! If the If your heater is broke in winter you freeze. If you AC unit is broke in the heat of summer you burn up. These things get you, well, ‘cranky’. It is the same with the thyroid gland. If the thermostat in the body is not working right, you are not going to act as y0u should. Just food for thought!
The following Blog contains some graphic details related to a surgery, auto accident and intestinal issues. If you are uncomfortable with this subject matter, you may choose to skip these parts or not read altogether . Thank you!
One beautiful Granddaughter, One Partial Hysterectomy, One Very Hot Summer, One Very Warm Autumn, One car roll over after tire blows, One freaking bad ass MRSA infection, Too Many Politicians (BOTH Parties!), One Very Nice Christmas, One Way Too Cold Winter, One Life To Re-Boot, But No Partridges In Any Pear Treesâ€¦â€¦
I am a terrible blogger and I promise for all those going through weight loss surgery or those who just need encouragement with their lifestyle / proper eating program to shed obesity forever (raising my right hand here), I will never let this much time elapse between blogs ever again!
My last blog was about attending the wedding of my brother-in-law and sister- in-law in Ireland. It was a fairy tale weddingâ€¦. Lovely; perfect. I am very sad though as we wanted to take our nephew Sam for a few hours to a park, get an ice cream, etc and did not get to. We barely got to bond with him at allâ€¦. I was playing motorboat with him and he was loving it and was whisked away from me. I am perplexed? If we are lucky, we may get to see him every 3 years so we really want to make out time with him count. Maybe next time. Anyway, as far as my weightâ€¦.. I was the lowest of lows there; below 130 lbs. Or as Paul and my Mum-in-law would say, â€œI looked â€˜illâ€™ â€œ. We had a brilliant time in Ireland and I just didnâ€™t eat much on top of the light speed pace we were keeping trying to â€˜see everyoneâ€™ within the cramped amount of time we had there. Sometimes, many times now, I just am not that hungry or food is not that important. It helps to have a tummy the size of a potato and if I had a normal size tummy things would surely be different. WARNING! I may have said this in my previous blog; the cakes in the UK; DO NOT GO DOWN WELL. That lovely jelly like marzipan? I think that is what it is called. Made me so sick on my tummy.
When we got back, I saw my surgeon. Since my weight dipping too low had been a re-occurring problem, he wanted to see me. After taking inventory of my â€˜usual dietâ€™ which was low fat / lite yogurt with granola, fruit, sandwich or wrap on lite bread with low fat this and low fat turkey burgers/ beef, lowest fat meat we could get , celery with low fat laughing cow or low fat peanut batter low fat everything or lite everything. FIRST THING, front and center, STOP! STOP the low fat / lite everything. I have a stomach the size of a baking potato. I canâ€™t hold enough food that I need low fat/ lite food. I am like *****â€ WHAT!!!!!â€ ***** that concept was SO hard for me to even digest. How could I stop eating lite food, surely I would gain weight. They assured me I would not and guess what? They were right. From that moment on, for the most part (diet sodaâ€™s being the exception, of course), I pretty much quit eating the lite/low fat versions of everything. From my peanut butter to my salad dressing, it is real. Honestly, with the crap they put in it to make it â€˜liteâ€™, it is better for me! A quick example, and I will touch on this more in a moment, is ice cream. Surely the â€˜liteâ€™ is better? Um, no. I have had ice cream maybe 5 times in the last year. TWO times was the LITE/ LOW FAT / â€˜GOOD FOR YOUâ€™ stuff from Kroger. Guess what? I spent the whole night dumping! Yep. The â€˜liteâ€™ stuff made me dump, both times. BUT the 4 or so times I had either Coldstone or Breyers ALL NATURAL in a reasonable amount (Â½ -1 cup, not a honking big bowl full); I was fine. BEWARE OF LITE/ LOW FAT. I donâ€™t recommend it. It is all dressed up to look â€˜good for youâ€™ but in the end is loaded with CRAP CHEMICALS!
July 2, 2010 was one of the best days of my (and my hubbyâ€™s) life as I welcomed our first grand-child into the world! Kadence Faye was born weighing 8 lbs 1 oz but only stayed there a nano second and is so big now. She is the light of our world, the apple of my eye and I would do anything for that child. The word â€˜loveâ€™ does not even begin to describe it. The only thing I can think of to make it relate to the subject of the WLS is it is so wonderful to be able to get on the floor and play with her and not get out of breath or my arthritic knees act up. Otherwise, I am just throwing this in because I am ONE PROUD MAMO! 😉
Summer progressed and what a HOT flippin summer it was. Work, stress, stress, work. Living out in the country was really taking a toll on me with my Fibromyalgia/ Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I am passionate about these things and if you are one of the few people on earth left that â€˜donâ€™t believeâ€™ Fibro/CFS exists, I will take my sed rate results and cram them dowâ€¦.. I um mean I will gladly show you my sedimentation rate results: a blood test that shows inflammation in the body and one of the first actual â€˜blood testsâ€™ used to diagnose FBS. Mine, as it was put to me, is â€˜off the chartsâ€™.
As for my dream of wanting to â€˜give Paul a babyâ€™, I ran a good race and I tried hard. We had done the Drâ€™s, pills, shots, you name it but little did I know my uterus was â€˜the rocky road to Dublinâ€™. Only one of the fibroids looked bothersome on the ultra-sound but what it was causing me was more than anyone could bear. Dealing with the IBS fall-out (a HUGE symptom/ co issue of fibromyalgia) was one thing, but spending 10+ days a month (and sometimes only 20 days between) being in the â€˜womanly wayâ€™ was too much. My sweet GYN recommended a partial; actually had been recommending it for a long time. But my â€œI will not give up on having a baby until the last egg dropsâ€, I was holding true to. Only it was getting more and more difficult. I wanted to give my husband, 10 years my junior (yeah, yeah, call me Demi Moore, I already call Paul, my â€œAshton Kutcherâ€œ; call me a cougar, honestly the age difference does not EVER pose an issue for us)â€¦.. Anyway, wanted to give him a child but being now in my mid 40â€™s and fighting FMS and CFIDS harder than ever, who was I kidding? Paul had been telling me for years, â€œI married you, not your wombâ€. He cares greatly for my girls and Kadence has him wrapped around her little finger. There is NOTHING he would not do for the girlsâ€¦.. I donâ€™t know if they realize. I mean one Christmas many years ago, he drove 40 miles to buy a pair of frog slippers one of them wanted (or some animal; frog, turtle, etc). Freezing cold in December, working on his car, he dropped everything because I found these damned slippers in Lynchburg. 80 miles round trip later, we had slippers and â€¦..that is all I will say on that. The point is, he is the best husband and has never made me feel wrong or bad about my decision. IN FACT, he encouraged it so in July I had my partial hysterectomy and with the exception of a fleeting moment during a movie trailer (a little girl named â€œSophieâ€, our girls name), I have zero regrets! Dr. G said there was all but a ZERO I would have or could have conceived and the pathologist did not even count them there were so many fibroids. After the surgery when Dr G came in, he said it was way worse then he thought and no way I would have every conceived. So when I did the pills and the shots, etc, it wasnâ€™t what was coming â€˜down the hatchâ€™, it was the â€˜store-roomâ€™ that was defective. So those who watch â€œGreyâ€™sâ€ and hear Meredith talk about her â€˜hostile uterus?â€™, that is what I had. As for my experience in hospital, all I can say is LOCALS, GO TO LEWIS GALE OVER ROANOKE MEMORIAL ANYDAY!. THEY KICK BUTT!
In keeping with my tradition, I held the mask (long childhood horror story relating to an anestesiologist; bad experience, so my Dr Sleepjuice and I ALWAYS come to the understanding that I HOLD THE MASK UNTIL I AM ASLEEP).
For the FIRST time ever, I had a woman Dr Sleepjuice. Her name was Dr. Carter and I only bring this up because I â€˜freaked her outâ€™. She could not believe I had RNY; asked if I had the skin removed and was surprised I had not because she said I WAS TINY!. YES, this itty bitty little lady Dr said I WAS TINY!
=:-O That made my day, well, as best it can when you are a woman losing the physical part of you that makes you a woman. L
They put me down as a fall risk. Huh? I know I am a klutz butâ€¦.. In the end they did not put that band on me. They said if you tell them you fell when you were 3 they will do that. Probably my fall on the ice the previous winter.
I was nervous. So, so nervous. In the end I know I was harboring those last 2nd and 3rd thoughtsâ€¦.. This was itâ€¦.. This was really it. But after months of Aunt Flo being history and no more of the 10 day hormone migraines, etc. It was all fine! Other than being last â€˜in line for take-offâ€™ and hallucinating diet cokes, everything went fine and YES, they CAN do this surgery WITHOUT any incision. I will leave it at that. Google it if you have any questions regarding that bit of it! J
The nursing staff were amazing and I became â€˜BFFâ€™sâ€™ with both my day and night nurse! One night nurse, especially, Gail as she put, â€œWould stay in there all night and talkâ€ if she could. She had considered the surgery and we talked about it. One thing I love and will always be willing to do is mentor anyone considering RNY or LAP Band.
My recovery was fairly textbook and I went back to work. It was one HOT summer. As it had been for many years, our life was stagnant. Our mortgage was TOO big and we knew that deep inside somewhere before taking it on in 2006. Who were we kidding? We were close to the girls other home and I fell deeply and madly â€™in loveâ€™ with this house. So the next several years we treaded water and held on by our fingernails. The commute to and from Salem everyday was affecting me in a very negative way. I was good for nothing most of the time because my fatigue was all â€˜guns a blazingâ€™. My weight has been consistent THOUGH in October for some reason, I did get up to 152 lbs. Part of how I realized this was affecting me was I started trying on jeans for the cooler weather and YIKES! They were a bit snug.
MY ADVICE for RNY patients as well as anyone wanting to eat healthy and you get â€˜off trackâ€™, go back to BASICS. Go back to your core eating plan; your â€˜soft place to fallâ€™ in the eating world. I recommend having some of your favorites on hand. For instance, I love celery sticks with REGULAR not lite, Laughing Cow spreadable swiss cheese. LOVE IT! Usually sounds good when nothing else does. Find your food that is like that and make sure you have it in hand.
Monday September 29, 2010 started out like any other day and for all intents and purposes, with the exception of it being Monday and Mondayâ€™s being crap, was a usual day. So, I am driving 24. Mellow music; I wanted something mellow, so â€˜Coldplayâ€™ it was. I am on the stretch just inside where Rt 24 turns into 1 lane near what Paul and I call, â€œThe Good Ole Boyâ€™s Auto Shopâ€. if any of you Bedford Co. people know what I am talking about (near Alars Auto). Shakeâ€¦ Shakeâ€¦. Shakeâ€¦. Shimmyâ€¦. Shakeâ€¦.. Shimmyâ€¦.. What the????? The soothing vocals of Chris Martin just kept onâ€¦.The next thing I know I am out of control then on my roof! â€˜Coldplayâ€™ continued, but it was soothing; comforting. But somethingâ€¦. Godâ€¦. He told me He had my back and no sooner, I was shiny side up again and got my car to stop with a little help from the hill next to the road. So if you ever hear/see me say â€œColdplayâ€ is my favorite band; they took the roll with meâ€.
Inertia. Inertia is what one of the two men that witnessed my tumble and roll. Nawâ€¦.. I have never called God by that name but the next several minutes there was a cell call to Paul, ambulances, sirens, people everywhere asking questionsâ€¦. Leave me alone!
To hospital I went and waited, waited, waited (and I was a true â€˜emergencyâ€™) That collar thing was beyond annoying. The only real evidence anything had happened was a huge, ugly GASH ON MY LEGâ€¦.WHICHâ€¦. The hospital used as a gateway, unbeknownst to me, to give me MRSA. In case you donâ€™t know what MRSA is, it is a staph infection extremely resistant to antibiotics and is one bad , big BITCH! I donâ€™t EVER want to fight her again.
When I found out I had MRSA, I was taken out of work and it took SEVENâ€¦.SEVEN, yes that is right, SEVEN weeks to go back to work. I will not post pictures on this blog but if you are anxious or curious enough, contact me and I will consider sending some pictures.
I spent several hours each day compressing my wound with warm water towels an soaks. I took 2 rounds of doxycycline aka the big blue pill they give MRSA patients. It is a force to be reckoned with, I will just say that. I would not wish it on anyone. Sadly because I had injured my arm at the 1st of the year, took time off for my surgery post op healing and then had 7 weeks off for the STAPH/MRSA, I exhausted all my FMLA time at work. They did what they could but rules are rules. I also had further medical documentation regarding my intestinal issues (I will get to that in a moment) which excused me if I went over on a break, etc as my gut basically runs my life. I donâ€™t know a more delicate way of saying it really. While I liked many of the people I worked with, there were those not fit to be called human for someone took a very important medical document OUT of my bosses IN BOX. Swiped it. Stole it. Besides robbery, can we say VIOLATION OF HIPPA? Just because my ex-employer chose not to do anything about it, I do believe in karma and the person/people responsible will reap what they sow.
So we drudge on, do the best we can in our quest to â€˜re bootâ€™ our life.
So what is up with my gut and is this related to my RNY? My gut is partially IBS and partially we donâ€™t completely know yet. There were whispers of Chrones Disease but since I have been off work certain things have gotten much better that made it look like it was possibly Chrones.
For those that have had RNY and are in the early days and / or are considering RNY remember, you are never going to be able to consume very much food which includes fiber. IF you let things get â€˜backed upâ€™ it will start a horrible cycle and trust me, it is not at all fun. I have had my gut x rayed 3 or 4 times now and when I am having â€˜issuesâ€™ they always find the same thing. I am full ofâ€¦â€¦â€¦ well, you know. Always, 100% of the time. The pain is awfulâ€¦. Nearly as bad as a gallbladder attack.
So my advice there is find what keeps â€˜things movingâ€™ and donâ€™t stray because if you do then it can really be bad.
The holidays were fine. I did fine with the sweetsâ€¦. Ya know, I just donâ€™t have much of a sweet tooth anymore. I know that helps. I made the fudge and cookies and all, but really didnâ€™t have too much worryâ€¦ of course I was in the middle of one of my gut spells.
In October my weight peaked to 152. That is the highest it had been and only went there briefly. Then it started going downward. I stayed in the mid 140â€™s for the longest time and finally in the last few weeks have kept it right in my sweet spot 138-145ish lbs. I changed the top number on my sweet spot because I realize it is stupid to think that 145 is â€˜too muchâ€™; that is ridiculous!
My best advice is eat healthy, eat a variety (I am always looking for new recipes & remember, recipes can be tweaked to make them healthier), DO NOT DEPRIVE; IF YOU WANT SOME ICE CREAM HAVE IT! JUST DO NOT HAVE Â½ GALLON.
All my life I thought to be lean meant deprivation. I basically eat what I WANT. I do! Last night I had pizza and ice cream! I DID!, I had 1 piece of Dominoâ€™s beef and onion pizza and a scoop of Breyers All Natural Peach Ice Cream (nothing artificial in it; all natural and same calories and fat as the â€˜liteâ€™ CRAP), and this morning I weighed in at 142, yesterday it was 141, etc. Right now I am hovering in the low 140â€™s, but I am going to repeat my first sentence
Last night I had Pizza and Ice Cream. NOW! I do not do this every night or even every week! This is something I do maybe every couple months, but still, it is an option I have and take full advantage of every now and then!
As I tell a lot of people who are curious about the surgery: after the initial â€˜getting back to eating normalâ€™, you can eat pretty much like anyone else; just a lot less! LOVE IT! I am LOVING MY RNY and still, 4 years out would not change a thing!
So it goes, on June 2, 2010, Paul and I drove to Charlotte, NC to board an airplane to Newark, NJ to board another airplane to Belfast, Northern Ireland, United Kingdom. We were on our way for the nuptials of my Brother-In-Law and now Sister-In-Law, Darren and Sarah. For me, not the first time there, but the first time to my husbands home land Â post RNY.
It may seem odd, eating was the least of my concerns. God gave me peace. I give God all the GLORY!Â I was more concerned about the unknown situations pertaining toÂ cigarette smoke.Â Â With my asthma, I cannot be around cigarette smoke. Luckily Northern Ireland adopted the policy ofÂ The Republic Of Ireland and you cannot smoke in a work place which includes pubs, restaurants, banquet halls, etc.Â My Mother-In-Law graciously had her whole house scrubbed, washed, aired out and had not smoked in the house for weeks before. While nothing but time and lots of airing out can completely rid anything of stale smoke, it wasn’t that bad. Nothing even close to being in a smoke infested room. All was fine, for the most part, where that was concerned. Only one moderate attack in the early hours one of the mornings which my rescue inhaler got control of very quickly. Â
The funny thing is, if you asked me about my trip,Â most of the highlights would involve people, Â not food. People, so many lovely, lovely people. Family, friends and a precious 2 year old nephew we would meet for the first time.
However, I will give what small advice I can and will add the one food encounter that caught me off guard.
In most situations, Northern Ireland being no exceptions, I can eat pretty much what everyone else is, just not near as much.Â So between the pork chops and potatoes my Mother-In-Law made Thursday night to the Chinese take out we had Friday (the one by Paul’s old house in BelfastÂ 🙁 was way better, but too far to drive just to get Chinese and besides, it is no longer there),Â to the lovely chicken dinner at the reception and the divine lunch/ dinner (we call it supper in the South) that my Mother-In-Law treated us to on SundayÂ 🙂 ,Â to the fish and chips I can’t remember eating Monday night I was so exausted :-(Â Â .Â I fell asleep in my tartar sauce! I was THAT tired! So much running around the prior several days. It is OK, Paul and I intend on going to an Irish pub in town in a few weeks and having some more fish and chips so I can enjoy!Â Â In any event, all of that settled fine with me and what smidgen bit might have slightly upset my tummy, I had my trusty tummy meds, so no worries!
What I avoided was the full Ulster Fry the morning after the wedding (we stayed in the hotel that the reception was held in) and they offered a full Ulster fry). I opted for Scrambed eggs and toast. That was a given.Â I am so glad after months and months of not being able to tolerate eggs, I can now. Eggs. Mmmm…..Â Scrambled, boiled, egg salad on soft, thin, whole wheat bagels for sandwiches. Love them!Â What totally got me the night before? Cake. A piece of wedding cake. Who would have known? Â Now I have been to showers and had cake for birthday’s , etc, etc. While here, with buttercream or whippy frosting I can only tolerate a smidgen, I assumed this lovely cake with the hard fondant frostingÂ and Â marzipan (a very rich paste), I assumed a little bit would be fine. I was sure to be ok? I mean I have eaten many other small pieces of cake and been fine.Â I actually had to go ‘hunt down’ a piece on top of that! I had gotten back from the ladies room and there was none to be found. I should have taken that as a sign! Anyway, I ate it, and not even much to bootÂ and let meÂ just say,Â it did not agree with me. Too rich and sweet. Â I took both of my anti-nausea meds and still I think that did me in. Luckily,Â I had already had a blast and the night was getting on anyway.Â I never fully recovered from that the rest of the evening.Â :-(Â Note to self; no eating cakes in Northern Ireland anymore.Â Other than that, however, that was my only ‘food issue’. I never thought a small piece would do that. It was a beautiful cake and tasted just as beautiful it looked. Then…..you know.Â Not trying to be too graphic, however for those that know RNY language, I did not ‘get sick’ if you get my drift and praise God I did not dump. I just felt really sick at my stomach. On top of that, because of my fibromyalgia and CFS, as my Dr put it to me (and Paul) upon a vist that I insisted Paul go to with me, I have a way lower threshold. The fast pace and jet lag and ‘missed sleep’ were catching up. So Paul and I went to the room about 11- 11:30. Once I had drifted to sleep, he went back down to spend more time with his family. Other than that, the reception was wonderful, including a few glasses of wine.Â There really were no other food issues! I ate what I wanted, just like here, smaller portions as my pouch can’t hold but a wee bit.
How about my weight? The day we left I was right around the 130 lb ishÂ mark. I was low. I was about the lowestÂ I have everÂ been as a teen/adult.Â So, of course, after greeting everyone and when we went to get our things settled and get much needed showers, what is theÂ first thing IÂ did? Weigh! I did this mainly because IÂ wanted to weigh on a stone scale. I thought it would be cool. I weighed 9 stone 2Â lbs. I actually maintained this weight through my trip!Â It did not budge. When Paul did the calculations, he found out thatÂ wasÂ 128 lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What???????????? What????????????? I broke the demon. OK, so here is an excert from the opening monologue from “The Right Stuff”
Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â ********************************
THERE WAS A DEMON THAT LIVED IN THE AIR.
THEY SAID WHOEVER CHALLENGED HIM WOULD DIE.
THEIR CONTROLS WOULD FREEZE UP,
THEIR PLANES WOULD BUFFET WILDLY,
AND THEY WOULD DISINTEGRATE.
THE DEMON LIVED AT MACH 1 ON THE METER,
750 MILES AN HOUR,
WHERE THE AIR COULD NO LONGER MOVE OUT OF THE WAY.
HE LIVED BEHIND A BARRIER
THROUGH WHICH THEY SAID NO MAN COULD EVER PASS.
THEY CALLED IT THE SOUND BARRIER.
Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â *****************************************
For me that demon was 129 lbs. And while I think I broke it, I don’t know for sure. I was right at 130 lbs. when I left and we hit the ground running. Also, all of my jeans literally started falling off of me. I actually had to buy a belt and another pair of jeans (they were nice and very inexpensive and will get lots of wear!), however, the jeans I brought would not stay up.Â I just wanted to getÂ below 130 lbs. Â once to say, “I did it!”. Every Doctor I see (seperate, not a joint decision) say they want me at 150 lbs.Â My sweet spot is 137-143lbs. I know I was way too low but something inside me loved it!Â My messed up body image and thinking, ‘the lower I go the better’. Well, let me tell you, I got an earful from my family over there, in a loving, caring and concerned way, of course. I was told and pleaded with to gain weight. While I love being on the low end, I know that kind of weight (with 10 lbs of skin, that would have taken me to below 120 lbs!) is just too low.
So there you have it! I went over an ocean to another country and with one rich, sugary exception, I did good. I ate things that I knew were safe. The one thing that ‘got me’ only did because their cakes are different over there and I honestly did not know how rich the frosting is. As for the pleading to gain weight? I actually felt nothing but love and acceptance. Paul’s…. no, our family did not just treat me as Paul’s wife, but I am family. They only said their worry out of concern.
They should all be happy that I am back up now to 137 lbs and within my sweet spot.
My biggest advice I would offer is to order things that seem safe; i.e. chicken dishes with veggies, regular straightforward meals that state what is in them and how they are prepared, Â etc that are not fried, etc. REALLY WATCH anything with sugar! Remember, what we have over in the states may not be made the same way in another country!
It was a wonderful trip! It was super awesome to be able to treat myself to a shopping spree. The store I went to was very inexpensive, but the clothes were awesome! Oh, to be able to buy these clothes you can’t get here and the prices were amazing. They were like Ross or better!
I will take shopping for sassy, normal sized clothes anyday over food.Â Oh and one other thing; I felt ‘tiny’ in the airplane seat. I showed Paul how far out I used to have to put the seat belt and now have inches and inches left. Also, I could never get the tray completely down (except when I flew home to Bakersfield in 2007Â :-(Â Â when my Daddy passed away).Â Â I slept like a baby on the way home from Belfast to Newark and was so comfy plus could lean against my hubby.
I’ll say it and say it. Nothing taste as good andÂ being able to fit in cute little clothes and feeling ‘tiny’ in roller coasters and airplane tickets! I love it!!!!!
And so it goes on. This internal ‘every few months’ song and dance my gutÂ plays on me. I will be as ‘ungraphic’ as possible and still try toÂ get my point across.
I have irritable bowel syndrome. There, I said it. It is embarassing. Now, bear in mind, I have had this for years; way before my RNY. However, many people that are post RNY have more trouble with it, especially constipation because we eat such small amounts we have a hard time getting all our fiber in. If I stay on the tightrope (putting fiber powder in my coffee and eating something high in fiber in the morning), everything stays on track. HoweverÂ if I ‘fall off the tightrope’ it gets bad, very bad.Â Â And each day gets worse and worse and the pain starts andÂ the appetite goes and theÂ weight starts going down.Â Eight days ago I saw my gynechologist for an unrelated issue.Â By WednesdayÂ I had dropped 7 lbs from that appointment. 7 lbs inÂ 5 days. I was down to 131 lbs. I hate doing this as I have done it before (where do I consider it dangerous and call for guidance?) and at theÂ pleadingÂ of my husband once again called my surgeon’s office. They got me in the next day to actually see the big kahuna himself, my surgeon.
I weighed in at 133 on their scale (fully clothed andÂ my morning coffee drank but still all involved; the nutritionist, nurseÂ practioner (who is just theÂ sweetestÂ person on earth), and yes Dr. Lucktong were all in agreement, my weight was way too low. Bear in mind, I am tall….. 5 ft 8 in tall with a large bone structure; all my health care providers have assessed me and concur I am large framed. Â Â My NP and Dr Lucktong were running numbers as high as 30 lbs higher than what I was and stillÂ would be considered healthy. They really want me upÂ around 150lbs. All my Dr’s concur 150 to even 160 lbs is a perfect weightÂ for me.Â All involved (not to mention co-workers, family,Â friends, etc etc etc) stating I look ‘too thin’Â urging me toÂ ‘get some weight back on’. So on days like yesterday and todayÂ when I am, yes….. my lowest ever adult weight…. ever 130 lbs (for my Northern Ireland family this would be 9 stone 4 ounces), there is this part of me that is like “WOW!!!!!!!” 🙂 It is so wrong, IÂ know! So messed up! My BMI is in the 19’s now maybe barely 20. At 133 at Dr. Lucktong’s he was saying barely 20 and for my age andÂ bone structure it is just too low.
So, the game plan…… 3 meals a day with snacks. Healthy foods, of course. However, they said not to eat ‘diet foods’ anymore. When you lose weight it is by portion control/ calorie control. I have the portion control down pat… it ‘ain’t’ going nowhere. My pouch is here to stay, believe me!Â Once in a while I am surprised by how much I can eat butÂ for the most part,Â my pouch stops me very quickly.Â They want me to eat healthy snacks with some healthy calories such as nuts, etc.Â But mostly they want me to get my body image straight in my head. My counsler Beth who is as close to walking on water as any person I know; well we areÂ working on this.
I still see a ‘fat girl’ in the mirror. I know logically I am not. However, when youÂ spendÂ most of your life fighting your weight, it is hard to just ‘flip the switch’.Â I am not anorexic because I do eat! But I have theÂ frame of mind, or so I have been told. I just don’t see what others do. And when you askÂ male friends/ colleagues, etc to beÂ honest from a male perspective and they all say I am too thin, well as Jimi my NP said, “Kelli, you need to start listening to what people are telling you.” The saddest thing is, since I have beenÂ 130 lbs, I just once….just ONCE…. wanted to see it ,Â then turn and go back up. JustÂ once in my adult life I wanted to see that scale read 129. I know, I know…… no rhyme; no reason; stupid.Â As it stands now, atÂ 5 ft 8Â in tall, I only outweigh Angelina Jolie by 10 lbs and ReeseÂ Witherspoon by 5 lbs. Yet I still see a fat girl in the mirror. Â
With my counslor Beth, family, friends and most important, my Lord and Savior, I know I will find the right balance with this. If I could recommend one thing to anyone who is having or has had weight loss surgery; really come to terms with your body image. Try to see yourself as others see you. This surgery is for health. The ‘looks’ part is a great fringe benefit, but when the chips are down, I went from having metabolic syndrome to having a ‘lower than average risk for coronary heart disease’. With the exception of my thyroid (hashi’s), every number reversed and then some and that is what this surgery is about.
So finally, after three years and faithfully getting my flu shot every year, I got my (parden my french but sometimes there is just no other way to say some things) ass kicked by a horrible flu virus. It started as a head cold. Congestion, horrible sore throat, slight aches, etc. I took zinc and high doses of vitamin C as they recommend and it calmed down. Then I started getting exasperations on my asthma and somewhere in there got a second (or thought was a second but would later find out was just all in the same virus; have been to the DrÂ 4 times since 3/11/10) head cold and the asthma exasperations continued and I had to get two more steroid (that would make six shots in 5 months) shots. I got those several days ago. But this is the same virus that has knocked me on my arse the last weeks.Â The first time I was in, Dr Miller listened to my lungs and bronchial tubes and knew there was no choice but to do the steroid shots….again as I had bronchitis on top of the asthma, so this time said he is sending me to a pulminologist. :’-( (don’t want to go!!!!) Â I know, I know… he really does care; both him and Collette my NP care a lot. He just said we cannot keep doing steroid shots at this rate. Dr. Miller is a specialist; i.e. he actually has like 400+ hours more than the other Dr’s there as he is a DO. I was not sure what it meant so looked it up and found out it was a notch *higher* than an MD. But right now I gotta get over this flu. One *important* note that I will mention again later (as to why) is that when I get anything; flu, cold, etc. is things hit me twice and hard and twice as long. More on that in a bit.
So that Â ThursdayÂ I go to work. I feel terrible and my stomach is giving me fits. I have a low grade fever. I e mailed my supervisors to let them know if I auxed my phone on personal more than usual (let me go on the record stating I have the best of the best when it comes to supervisors; they care first and foremost. They listen, they will work with you on things, they will go to bat for you, they honestly care about each and every member of their team) so, I get an e mail from the manager of our team suggesting I go home if I am that ill. Well anyone that knows me and knows how skittish, and a worrier, etc I am, thought I was in trouble. So I e mailed her back asking if I was in trouble. Well, of course I was not. She knew how sick I was and was concerned for me AND others around me picking up the virus. I went and spoke and all was ok. So Friday I woke up, still just feeling awful. I did all I could to get ready and just lost it and broke down in tears to my husband. I said I can’t make it through an 8 hour day. So, I called Dr Miller’s office again, got in and he wrote me out through Monday…. actually his words were “I will write you out as long as you think it will take to fully recover because with your fibromyalgia and post gastric bypass this is hitting you harder and longer and is really going to take a while to get better.” I said “just till Monday and I will call Monday if anything changes.” Â As referred to earlier in the post, if I have never mentioned I, of course, have battled fibromyalgia but what I have never disclosed and I am being very transparent here; My official diagnosis in 1996 was; Fibromyalgia with Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction Syndrome. BUT, I don’t let it get to me or get me down. I will not EVER play the disability card and even though if I do get sick, it is 2 times harder for me, I am a fighter! I will not let some ‘condition’ dictate my life!
OK, so to cont…. the ‘cold like’ symptoms continue but are not that bad. Between Zyrtec D, losenges and lotsa Vit C and zinc, it is bearable. Well, early Tuesday March 16th I get a *very* rude awakening. I am in the bathroom for at least 30 minutes, maybe longer. And for the rest of the night into the morning and back and forth. I start popping immodium and keep popping (I just had to make it stop, it was so awful!). Bad idea, I find out later as I am STILL trying to get my insides straighted out. So I call out to work on the 16th and felt like the living dead that day. I popped 10, yes ten immodium (I know, I am an idiot). I somehow made it through work on St Pat’s day most of the day anyway, left early to go to urgent care only to be told yes, I have a terrible flu, nothing can be done except lots of fluids, rest and whatever I am allowed to take as a post RNY. I sat there for 2 hours in a dingy, creepy what used to be a hospital but is now a dingy, creepy ghost hospital when I could have been home resting.
Now it bears being said while all this is going on, I am steadily losing weight. Weight is well below 140 lbs by now. On St Pat’s day it was 137 lbs and today is 136 lbs. When I got sick before and got down to 132 lbs, I started getting bruised looking type marks on my legs and my husband said I looked pathetic. I was told by several health care professionals those are the first signs of malnutrition. Remember, with my weight, you always deduct 10 lbs for excess skin.
So, for anyone considering or who has had Gastric Bypass, DS, The sleeve, the band, etc; bear this in mind: when you find you ‘sweet spot’, leave a bit of room for when you may get the flu, etc at some point. I think one of the reasons all my Dr’s and family want me at 150 lbs is so I have wiggle room if I do get the flu and lose some weight. MY sweet spot; the place I feel really good, just right , etc is 140 lbs give or take a couple lbs each way. I am stubborn; yes I am Minnie Mae Coleman’s grandaughter! My biggest problem I have to work on, and I am working on it with my counselor Beth along with a million and one other things I am working on, is my body/ self image as when I drop a pound even though I know I am getting into ‘unhealthy’ territory, is when I do drop weight a part of me says ‘Yay!’. That is wrong, especially if you gain a few lbs and your NP says, “You have gained some weight” and claps her hands saying “Yay!!!!!!!”.
So anyone and everyone out there…. do what your Dr’s say. Find a way to know you are NOT fat. And I will try to practice what I preach. And as soon as I am back 100%, I will try to get back up to 140 lbs! 🙂
So, this is a PS of sorts. I wrote this all a few days ago and saved it to go over. I have a few things to add. On Thursday 3-25-10, I thought, “NO!” My headcold symptoms and intestinal difficultiesÂ were making a re-occurence. 🙁 By Friday I was nothing short of miserable and woke up Saturday 3-27-10 at 4 AM with a horrible ear ache and horrible congestion and a cough and could not get back to sleep. I had already left like 3 messages with Dr. Millers office on Friday and was told to call Saturday as they rotate physicians/ locationsÂ on Saturday mornings and see patients on an emergency basis. I figured my flu was making a come-back. How could this be? I was feeling so much better before Thursday. As for the head and earache… it is allergies! It is just pure irony that they hit exactly now (theÂ dogwood trees are all in full bloom!). He looked at my ears throat and listed to me very carefully (he knows my lungs and bronchial tubes well and how they should sound! :-)Â My tummy? I have continual issues with it and people…. especially those who spend a lot of time with me, have to understand that there is nothing I can do about that! It is what it is. I try to keep my fiber level out (very important post RNY patients!!!!!) but sometimes my day *is* dictated by how my tummy is doing and again, it is what it is.Â Right now I have continued to drop weight still in what my hubby would say is the danger zone. Not trying! Taylor and I pigged out at lunch and Paul made his ribsÂ last night with lemon meringue pie for dessert. Still…. I don’t know… just don’t know. Yes, there is that little voice that says, “Hmmm…. cool”. But when you know the ladies at Victoria’s Secret and get the VIP treatmentÂ and they give you the swanky dressing room(I am the lady that lost 170 lbs!!! Whoa!!!!Â Yeah; the poster weight loss lady) as you buy your very first ‘push-up bra’ and you have 3 mirrors and see yourself from the back and are mortified for just a split… just a split second as you count ribs, while thinking “Whose back is that?”…. then maybe, just maybe ‘they’ are right.Â Weight this Sunday morning; 134 lbs.Â Sweet spot 140 lbs.;Â BMI 20.4 (with skin).Â I have some work to do.
One thing to consider if considering or if you have had RNY; remember, if you get a cold, flu, anything that takes your appetite away; either leave wiggle room or try to somehow keep your weight where it should be. Also body image; definitely my biggest issue; make sure you see yourself as you should. I know I have a long way to go but this is something I am working on.Â It’s those little split second moments that show you. It is having good support of family and friends and mostly about, at least for me, God.
While I was on short term disability for a monthÂ nursing an immobilized, injured arm (after taking a bad fall on ice), I found myself snacking at home more than I should. I saw how easy it was, small pouch and all, to slip back into old habits. I try to thank God everyday Â for the beautiful gift he gave me by allowing this surgery to change my life 3 + years ago. However, that does not make one immune to gaining weight.Â I found that out all too quick when I saw a bulge starting in the middle and my jeans were just a wee bit tighter than they should be, I was in a panic! I don’t know how much I gained…. I reckon 8-10 lbs. Paul was happy as could be as he, many family members and both my NP at my surgeons office and both my regularÂ NP and Family DR want me at 150 lbs. However, for me, 140 is my sweet spot. I did have a UTI in the midst of my armÂ crisis and did weigh in at 145 (mid day after eating, etc) at the Dr’s. The result? My NP said with great glee, “You have gained a few lbs! You have gained a few lbs!” while clapping her hands as I stood there giving excuses and saying I was going to get it off. She said, “No, no no!”
Luckily, by the time things, in my opinion, were at a red alert, I returned to work and the habits that work to keep my weight at their ‘sweet spot’, 138-143 very quickly paid off! 2 days ago I was 140 lbs, yesterday 139 lbs and this morning 137 lbs which is under my range (be grudgingly as the ‘let’s see how low I can go’ in deep within me says ‘keep going Kelli’, tho I know it is wrong). Oh well, nothing like French toast at Famous A’s to get me up a lb. It is a rough job, but someone has to do it. ;-)Â
In any event, for those who think this surgery is ‘easy’, Um NO! You still have to do the work, watch the lbs back off when need be. It is a life long commitment. I know I have work to do on my self image, but one thing is for sure, when I went on that table on 2-5-07, I made a commitment this was for life. People who do the band (and that is their choice! All power to them), don’t want permanent. I wanted permanent. For life! That was my choice. I slipped, I worked and I am back in my sweet spot… well, I need to gain a lb. So with that, I am off to take a shower, cuz there is some french toast with my name on it at Famous A’s! 🙂
My ‘3rd Birthday’ is coming up this Friday, Feb 5, 2010. 3 years ago on Friday I arrived at ‘stupid o’clock’ in the morning at Roanoke Memorial Hospital amidst a windchill that can only be described as what NorthernÂ Canada must feel like. It was awful and in fact snowed the next day while I was recovering.
At approx 7:30 AM, after asking a couple of the nurses if I was the heaviest person ever to have gastric bypass (only to get the same reaction, a laugh followed by “Oh Lord no!”), I was wheeled into the surgery room and there were SO MANY people in there! Wow! The sleep juice doctor and I always talk and come to an understanding. Due to a scary experience I had when I was 10 years old and was put under for my tonsils, I always; and I mean always, hold the mask. So I held the mask, drifted off, woke up 5 1/2 hours later.Keeping with my tradition of coming out of it very quickly, the recovery room nurse said, “I am not going to have you for very long” and within minutes was taken to my room in the PICU (baby ICU).
You can read all the recovery stuff, if you so desire if you go back to the beginnning of the blog.
I am going to write about the good, the bad, the pretty and the ugly and for the first time am going to reveal numbers.
I went on the table at 302 lbs. My heaviest weight that I know of is 318 lbs. That was years ago. I got down below 300 lbs for a good long while but was still in the high 200’s. Anyway; went on at 302 lbs. With my age and bone structure, my goal was set at 170. That is a respectable weight for where I was and I was happy enough t0 shoot for that. I am 5 f 8 in…. tall…. so , ok. Well, I got to 170 and just kept going, going , going. I, now, Â basically keep a holding pattern around 140 lbs. I am very happy at this weight!Â With 10 lbs of skin and my large frame it is at the low end of normal. When I got sick a few weeks back I got down to 132 lbs. I got it clarified that I was beginning to show signs of malnutrition. However, that was a special circumstance.Â 140Â ish or 10 stone for my Northern Irish family is my sweet spot. My family and both my nurse practitioner at my surgeon’s officeÂ and myÂ family doctor want me to gain 10 lbs, but I just don’t think I can! I know what they want and why but it just seems so wrong!
OK, so the good, bad, the pretty, the ugly…..
Would I do it again? In a heartbeat a gazillion times over!
The good: My heart health is great; cholesterol, bp and blood sugar; fantastic. Endocrinologist report states I have a “less than average chance for coronary heart disease”. Before my surgery, I had a higher than average risk. God is so good!
The bad: Thank you God!: I have not thrown up one time since my surgery! I have come very close, but have been able to work it through; however, I do have a lot of gastro- intestinal issues and have 4 tummy medsÂ available toÂ take (as needed)
The pretty: Shopping for regular, cute and saucy clothes! Hubby is impressed at my talent for super bargain shopping, a real plus! 🙂
The ugly: My extra skinÂ :-(Â It isn’t super bad but I hate it. No one sees it except Me, Paul and occasionally medical professionals. I am going to look into some options for plastic surgery but doubt my insurance will cover it.
The good: The ‘freedom’ I feel as I ‘fly’ through grocery stores, feeling small in roller coaster seats; just plain feeling light on my feet. It just ‘feels healthy’.
The bad: Having to take a bazillion vitamins everyday or else find myself in a situation that I am in now, having to get a script for Vitamin D and low on protein, etc. For the rest of my life,Â once a year, I am going to have to have my blood checked to make sure all is ok with my vitamins and if it is not, will have to correct it.
The pretty: HIGH HEELS!Â I was never able to wear them because of my weight. Now they are easy to wear and I love wearing them! 🙂
The ugly: Since my face has gotten so ‘thin’ as they say, I really have to work on my eyes. Because my eyes are already ‘small and hazy’ (I get that from my Dad) and I have what are called ‘nasal shiners’ from my bad allergies, the ‘dark circles’ I am prone to are worse. I get so tired of people telling me that I look tired.
Anyway, the good, the bad, the pretty, the ugly…. you get the drift. It has not all been a piece of cake. There have been a few bumps along the road but for the most part, I am what you would call a success story. The main reason, however, I am a success story is that I was given a tool and I did the work.Â I know of people that have the surgery and think they can just do what thay want and then wonder why they aren’t losing weight.
As far as things like holidays, etc? It is quite simple. I have what everyone else is, I just have a few bites of everything, including pie (yum!) and I am stuffed! I don’t feel deprived! As long as I can eat a few bites of everything, I am good! Nothing tastes as good as being ‘thin’ feels!
I have had numerous bumps; mostly dealing with my stomach. I get terrible stomach spasms at times and it is generally when things, em, er, eh…. get ‘backed up’ (something very common with bariatric patients). Sometimes the pain is horrible for days and my weight drops. Last time this happened I also had broken out in shingles and my weight had dropped to 132 lbs. I actually had these discolorations and bruises on my skin. I would later find out I was in the early stages of malnutrition! Yikes! I got my weight up to 140 ish again. But a part of me thought, “Oh cool, I am losing again.” And, yes, I am working diligently with my counselor of 7 years on my warped body image.
I am really opening myself up here. However, what I want people to know is this: I believe in this surgery 150%. I would do it again a bazillion times over. I think it is the cure for obesity; diets don’t work. Now don’t get me wrong! I believe you CAN DO IT ON YOUR OWN! You just have to be really strong and determined. Bear in mind too, with my hashimoto’s disease, I was fighting a bum metabolism too.
I also am saying it is not an easy ticket. You still have to do plenty of work. You still think about your weight every minute nearly. I highly recommend finding a good counselor to ride the ride.
It is not an easy ticket, but it is a great tool. You have to have the determination and know it is a long road!
I can’t believe it has been 3 years. What a long strange trip it has been. Below are some of my favorite outfits this winter.
Here it is, another New Year. Where did the last one go? They all seem to go faster and faster? It is so hard to believe it has been 10 years since Y2k. It is scary. In any event, it has been a challenging couple of years (not so much weight wise, thank goodness, but in other ways), so I think this year is finally our turn to get a break.
As for my weight, well I couldn’t be happier. As for others, well I will explain in a moment.
I have my ‘zone’. This ‘zone’ is about 5 lbs I teeter between and as long as I stay there, I feel great and am at my sweet spot. The last time I was at my primary care Dr to get 2 steroid shots for my asthma (the 2nd round in 2 months after blowing through my last rescue inhaler in 6 weeks) I had to confess (when he wanted to up my advair) that I was not taking my controller meds for my asthma like I should because I was afraid advair might make me gain weight. Now bear in mind, I have researched advair and found no data to say it can cause weight gain. It is not on the list of side effects (for the same reason I won’t take lyrica for my fibromyalgia even though it is wonderful, but weight gain is truly one of the possible side effects). Well, never fear, the Dr and a student he had with him made me way more afraid of the steroid shots than the advair. So I promised to take my controllers faithfully for a month, see how it goes and if I continue to have the attacks like I was, then they could up my advair (like he suggested when he thought I was actually taking it like I should but wasn’t). When I went in there I was at the upper end of my zone (weight wise). The Dr. stated that I was at the LOW end of normal for my weight and that I did not need to lose anymore weight and in fact it would not hurt for me to gain a few pounds. That still sounds so crazy to me. But I have been hearing this from family, other doctors, friends and co workers for months. My Uncle David gave me a 30 minute ear-full on how I needed to gain weight. My mum-in-law in Ireland, the same and on and on. But the thing is, I feel good in ‘my zone’. It feels great; light as a feather though I absolutely recognize I do not need to lose anymore weight.
So, as I start this New Year, I not only start with zero collateral damage from the holidays, I start 1 lb below the low end of my zone weight.
What is the secret 3 years out to keeping it off?
I wish I had one good answer but I think it is just as simple as this: when I had the surgery on 2-5-07, I had been through so much to get there and had learned so much I knew what I had to do. Dr. Lucktong gave me the tool, but it was up to me to use it. It was up to me to make lifestyle changes that would insure my success in keeping a healthy weight. I fight urges nearly every day to ward off the vending machine monsters. I make decisions everyday to stay away from certain foods. Sometimes; especially that ‘certain’ time of month, I give in. But I always make sure I am in control.
I enjoyed myself over the holidays. I had goodies. I did not deprive myself, but I did not go hog-wild either.
There is NOTHING in this world that tastes as good as feeling the way I do in my ‘zone’ weight.
Changes as I come upon my 3rd ‘birthday’? Well, to help a bit with $$$$$$ and just due to the fact that I think the time has come that I can part ways with them, I am giving up my morning protein shake. I am eating a yogurt each morning and a cottage cheese doubler as part of my lunch each day. I will get some extra protein with a few peanut butter crackers (a lot cheaper) during the day. The protein shake is $40 a month and I just feel I have come to the point where I don’t need it anymore.
What I love most is ‘good’ foods taste the best to me. Sure I have a few treats here and there, but give me good healthy foods for the most part.
Coming upon my 3rd ‘birthday’ and still the only ‘regret’ I have is that I did not have the surgery sooner.
I knew I would make it! I am too determined not to gain weight to not make it so I did it! I got the ten pounds and then some off! I am actually, as of this morning, at my all time low. My husband is not at all pleased. He says I have lost too much weight and I also hear it from my youngest daughter. Bear in mind I was not trying to get down to my all time low (making it actually 14ish lbsÂ I have dropped in the last few weeks) it just happened. The last day has been emotionally distraught for me. I won’t go into the why’s or what’s but my stomach feels like the eviquelent of receiving a horses head in your bed from the mafia or something, so I am lucky to get 1/2 a protein shake down today and 1/2 a cup of coffee. Yesterday was Paul’s birthday andÂ I did not even finish one piece of pizza. Anyway; that is not how I recommend losing weight. Nontheless, the last two days aside; eating the right things and splurging a bit here and there and walking along with plenty of water! Yep, that is the trick! God Bless All! Remember, Our God is an Awesome God!
I am not quite sure when it happened. I think it was the marathon birthdays (Taylor’s, mine and Sarah’s) and the fact I can’t tear myself away from the vending machine at work when they load it with Cinnamon Toast Crunch bites, but somewhere over the last several weeks I have gained nearly 10 lbs! I am mad, sad, depressed, scared and devastated. The thing is, I don’t know where it has gone as I can’t really tell much of a difference.
Paul has a theory. I have become a walking machine. Yep, finally 2+ years out I decided I wold faithfull exercise so I have started walking everday on my 10 min and lunch break. So I gettingÂ Â 50 mins of exercise a day in. Paul thinks maybe it is muscle? I don’t know. All I know is old habits are creeping back in. I see it. And it stops NOW. I will not allow it. Simple. I have turned it over to God and I know He will keep me on the straight and narrow. The good news is, it is ‘only’ 10 lbs. And yes, even though I had exceeded my goal by 30 lbs and had numerous family members saying I lost ‘too much’, it felt so good so it is CRUNCH time, especially with the holiday’s around the corner. I am going to keep up with my walking because I love it and love the way it is making me feel; even if it is building muscle. However, I am going to make some small changes in my food intake and I think that will help me get this little bit back off.
After my appointment with my endocrinologist (think of it as this: remember your hardest class in high school? Rembember that final exam in the hardest class with the hardest teacher?) Not that the teacher wasn’t nice. Actually my thyroid doc is what I would call a hyper ‘old hippie’.Â But for years it was “your weight this, and your weight that”. Now since the RNY it is different. He tests me for everything and now my cholesteral is good, my BP is too low really, my heart rate resting is usually in the 50’s (no, I am NOT kidding), and my insulin resistance gave way to an A-1c of 4.1. He is pleased as punch. When I went yesterday, I weighed exactly what I did last time I saw him. I did not mention the losing of 10 more lbs, etc. He was pleased; said my weight is great and that is thatÂ You would think I would ‘get it’; that my weight is ‘ok’. Alas, I still think I am fat. And Paul really does think it is the walking because since my BMI is 21. whatever, he said it like this, “You don’t have much, if any fat to lose. You have loose skin (all gastric bypass patients do), but I can tell since you have been walking that you are actually firming up and gaining muscle tone.” So, maybe there is something there? My jeans from last year are not the least bit tight. In fact if anything they are a bit too loose and may need a tuck by my seanstress.Â In any event, I am still going to try to get this 10 lbs off even though my husband, my daughter Taylor and yes, even my ‘hardest’ doctor says I am fine where I am.
Like I said, it is nothing anyone has noticed. However, to me I hate it. So, I WILL WIN.