*Just a call out to the video; shot in my ‘neck of the woods’ Pac Hwy 1 🙂
Seven Months. Seven Months. There is no excuse. I hang my head in shame. Dear readers; those who have had, are thinking of having or possibly are just interested in the subject of what happens to a person after they have RNY, I promise to never let seven months go by again (unless I am out of commission, etc). The reason is simple; I have gained 20-25 lbs and I am ashamed. 🙁 I am sad. I am depressed. I am mortified, on some days I am paralyzed. Lately however, as it seems Mr. Scale is hanging in its new comfort zone, I am getting more ‘comfortable’. Naw…… not really, but hey, it was worth a try! Still not over the limit of my BMI, I do however want to lose at least 20 lbs. And I will. Somehow. This blog, however, is not just about the ‘good’, it is about everything. And my gain is just more proof than ever that gastric bypass is NOT an ‘easy fix’, the ‘easy way out’ or ‘I will just have surgery and it will be fine’. No, you have to put your all into it. You have to make changes. Lifestyle, mind-style, spirit-style; complete and forever.
Why this weight gain? If I new that I would be typing the words, “I beat it!”, “I figured it out!”, “I nipped it in the bud!” but alas, no, I didn’t, I haven’t and no bud has been nipped. I have numerous theories, but they are just that; theories.
* Medications: my Doctors have been trying me on/ taking me off/ putting me on numerous meds over the last year. 1st I was diagnosed as ADD and given stimulants then taken off because of raging headaches. I somehow made it through 47 years just fine, and then because I tend to take after the woman who helped raise me, my babysitter (who was like a Grandma to me), Lillian Kirk….. Portuguese and I mean it was like talking to a bull in a maze……so because of that I was dx ADD. I was a good student both in High School and College. I should have dug my heels in and said, “NO!”…. heck, if it was not for the raging headaches, I would get back on the meds; all of Hollywood takes Adderell for weight loss! Then this then that. I am still trying to find my medication sweet spot though I am less medicated than I ever have been since diagnosis with fibromyalgia in 1996. Some of the medications I take can make you gain weight! I just need to figure out if/ and/ or which ones are doing the deed. If that is indeed part of the problem.
* That ole “D” monster rearing its head. Prone to clinical depression since 1993 (feeling NO shame in something that is a chemical imbalance in my brain), people with weight issues tend to eat more when depressed. That is just a fact. I have been going through the grueling, horrible disability process. It is a cruel, unjust process. I worried sick about Christmas as I do every year and had to wait until December 20th to finish the rest of the Christmas EVERYTHING shopping; gifts, food, baking, etc. That gave me 2 1/2 days to shop, cook and bake. Wanting to lessen the stress for my daughter and son-in-law and wanting to make magical, *unrushed* memories for my Granddaughter, we did our Christmas on the 23rd… have at least, for the last 2 years. I really don’t care for the most part, as long as I get A day that is within a day or two of Christmas Eve/Christmas. The only draw back is that shortens my deadline by a day (for them anyway; for Taylor, who was here on the 24th, I had a smidge extra time). Being the child of divorced parents, I understand how difficult it is to split out your time while making your own traditions for your own family and children as my Daughter is for my Granddaughter. I also want to add her and my Son-in-law are doing a *WONDERFUL* job of parenting. I am so proud of both of them. In any event; when you are struggling financially, emotionally or in any way…. Christmas is not so Merry and Bright as it is stressful and utterly depressing for some.
Let’s not forget about those too, that are alone on Christmas. If I could fly my Uncle out each and every Christmas, I would in a heartbeat. It is just him and I now (as far as my immediate family on my Dad’s side) and being the ‘swinging bachelor’ in his day, he never married or had kids so I am ‘his kid’. As I told him on the phone just a few weeks ago, there is no one…. NO ONE in the world that loves him like I do. There may be some very exciting news related to this subject over the course of the next few years. Stay tuned. 😉 In the meantime, there are those that are alone on the holidays and it breaks my heart. I know that is off topic a bit but I always have to give a plug for the lonely at heart the time of year we just finished up.
*Another possibility: slipping back into old ways: I can see it in the ‘bad foods’; those new freeze dried marshmallows meant for cocoa but that I could keep out of. They are tiny little crunchy bits of Heaven. I have eaten like 3 canisters of them them in one week (it is not *THAT* bad… but at 600 calories a canister, bad, but not bad as some might think! I keep saying I will resist and only use them for cocoa (just a couple tablespoons) but they are just so good. That was then: update…. I just had to finally quit buying them. My best advice to all RNY and Lap Band patients: you just may have to avoid ALL ‘red light’ foods except for very special occasions such as Christmas Day and Thanksgiving, etc.
*Another theory: Just plain too big a portions and falling back into bad eating habits. That pouch stretches and with my ‘revision’ aka gastrojejunostomy which is when I had my intestine perforation, the opening was made bigger so food passes thru quicker. There was not a choice. When the intestine perforated and Dr Kessler had to fix everything, he did his best, but he is not a bariatric surgeon so he worked with what he had. It was a long , difficult recovery and my weight dipped very low to the point my medical records are noted that I looked ’emaciated’ and ‘gaunt’ at times. Let’s just say I was not meant to weigh 123 lbs. (just under 9 stone for UK’ers….. but I am 5ft 8 in tall with 10-15 lbs of excess skin so that would take me down below 110 ‘true’ lbs which is just under 8 stone for a true weight). But now I am thinking I would rather weigh that than what I do now! I don’t know. No….. I still get flirts, looks and other like gestures. When I was 123 lbs I got looks alright, but they weren’t good looks.
Enough of the ‘why’s’, let’s get to the “WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO NOW!”. I WILL NOT be the manager of the grocery store I frequent the most. She is lovely with a bright smile but has gained over 1/2 of her weight back, has all her weight related health issues back and has a terrible time walking. She said she fixed ‘here’ as she points to her stomach, but did not fix ‘here’ as she points to her ‘head’. I nod firmly in agreement with her. As I go get another veggie wrap or get into Paul’s granola cereal…. if I really HAVE to eat, I know I could munch on some carrots, celery, apple slices and herbal tea. My diet soda issue is back in blazes. I was down to 1-2 a DAY from 6-8. I am not quite that bad again, but drink 3-4 glasses (we get the 2 litres). That stuff increases appetite and is just plain not good for you. I will defend the cost because 1. We do not drink, smoke, have a video game player or even go out, etc. We maybe eat out 3-4 times a year….. about every 3-4 months. I about FAINTED when I saw what cigarettes cost and wondered… how DO people afford to smoke? $50 for a carton! OMG! =8-O Paul said it was worse in the UK.
Walking: Yes, it is winter; but most days are sunny and warm ‘enough’ that if you bundle up, you can get out for 15 -20 minutes. It is about the only thing I can do exercise wise because of my fibromyalgia and my leg has been ‘giving out’ on me lately at least twice or so a week. Nonetheless, I can take my cane and just move. There is an elderly man in the area I live in. He is very grumpy because every time I am driving off and he is out, he has a scowl on his face but I smile and wave anyway. He never does anything, but I am a bit stubborn and am intent on making this man wave, smile, etc. His family is from India? Pakistan? One of those places and there is a bunch of them in one apartment including a couple kids….. one of whom has seem to have taken to me. This elderly man has a three pointed cane and is out nearly every morning ‘shuffling’. That is his walk but by gosh, he is doing it. And finally one morning, after Paul had accompanied me to a Doctor appointment, though he did not smile, he did wave back! 🙂 If he can ‘shuffle’, so can I!